Loneliness

Talk given to the Mountain Point 4th Ward in Draper, UT on Sunday, December 14, 2025

Topic

I was told to choose my own topic. The original thought was loneliness, our baptismal covenants, Christmas, and the Utah Area Presidency vision for 2026. It sort of evolved as I went

Primary Goals

To encourage all of us to look around for ways to serve those around us, helping us to feel less lonely ourselves, and to help others at the same time

Outline

• Introduction - How I came to this topic
• Loneliness
• What can we do about it?
  • Secular
  • Spiritual
• Conclusion

Introduction: ~3mins

• Good morning!
• Very happy to speak with you all today
• The inspiration for my remarks today began where all of “my” good ideas come from: my wife.
• About a week and a half ago we were discussing the current situation of one of our family members. This person lives today in a place geographically where they aren’t around many other family members, and Sam mentioned how she feels concerned about how lonely they’re feeling during this Christmas season, when proximity to family is so comforting.
• At the time, the only real salient thought I had was, “Wow, my wife is a really good person.” And I didn’t really think much about it past that.
• But, several days later, as I was brainstorming ideas for my remarks and seeking revelation on what I should speak about, I kept coming back to this idea of “loneliness”. I couldn’t really shake it, I felt that this was the topic that I should consider for today’s talk.
• I asked God in prayer if this was the right direction. Then, I opened my Book of Mormon to study a bit for the day and the book literally fell open to the following verses: Mosiah 18:8-10.
  • Here, Alma the older is talking to a group of people that he had been preaching to near the Waters of Mormon. Alma had been teaching these people for a while, and this specific day, something wonderful happened:

8 And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; 9 Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life— 10 Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?

• As I read these verses, I was hit with a thought: “You have covenanted to serve others, to be there for people. And there are lonely people that need your help.” So here we are.
• I pray that the Holy Ghost will be with us today as we consider the topic of loneliness, and how we, as members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, have made covenants with God to alleviate those that are struggling. I will cite several studies into loneliness, its effects, and what we can do to help with loneliness. I’ll also pull from the Scriptures, and from the powerful talk by President Jeffrey R. Holland from April 2009 titled “None Were with Him”.

Loneliness: ~3mins

• I’d like to start by defining loneliness as psychologists view it, pointing out some startling statistics about loneliness, and exploring its affects on the human body and psyche.
• I’m going to pull much of my thoughts in this portion of my talk from several research studies and meta-analyses that have been run by scientists and social psychologists, a lot of people that are a LOT smarter than I am.
• Loneliness: the subjective distress resulting from a disconnect between an individuals desired vs. actual social relationships
  • This is a crucial thing to point out. It’s not objective, it’s not based on the total number of friends or family members that one has. Instead, it’s based on one’s perception of those relationships.
  • For example, there have some very interesting studies that have defined an important distinction between loneliness and solitude. Solitude is a state of being alone without feeling lonely. Research has indicated that solitude can be very restorative, fostering self-awareness, creativity, and emotional regulation.
  • As a self-diagnosed introvert, I was admittedly pleased to read this
• Research into loneliness shows that there is what many deem an “outsider” effect that is particularly felt during the Christmas season.
  • We as a Western society are surrounding with images, movies, and music that talks about close family and friend ties. “I’ll be home for Christmas” immediately comes to mind.
  • This “outsider” effect can be exacerbated even further when you put social media in the mix (which I’ll get into a bit later).

Loneliness and our Church: ~3mins

• Some may claim as well that our Church and its core doctrines exacerbate loneliness. What I’m going to share is entirely anecdotal, not necessarily backed by any sort of study. From conversations with friends and family members, I’ve observed that a person experiencing lonely thoughts, and potentially looking at things through a cynical view, can have these feelings magnified when they consider the family-centered Church of Jesus Christ.
• Given the emphasis that our leaders, modern revelations, and the core doctrine of the Church of Jesus Christ places on families, it can be easy for a person that does not currently find themselves in a traditional family situation, or a person in a family situation that is not ideal, to experience further feelings of disconnect between their desired social experience vs. their lived experience.
  • My heart aches for people in these circumstances, that aren’t experiencing joy in their families, and that temporarily lose sight of the eternal perspective.
• Let me be clear, though: Does this mean that the Lord’s focus on families, that His plan of Salvation centered around family units, is incorrect, outdated, or needs to be downplayed?
  • No.
• President Oaks, who I know to be a prophet of God, said the following in his most recent General Conference address:

The Church of Jesus Christ is sometimes known as a family-centered church. It is! Our relationship to God and the purpose of our mortal life are explained in terms of the family. The gospel of Jesus Christ is the plan of our Heavenly Father for the benefit of His spirit children. We can truly say that the gospel plan was first taught to us in the council of an eternal family, it is implemented through our mortal families, and its intended destiny is to exalt the children of God in eternal families.

Loneliness & Your Health: ~1min 15secs

• Why does all this stuff about loneliness really matter? Why should y’all care about this?
  • We understand that feeling lonely isn’t nice. But let me help put it into perspective:
• The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on Social Connection highlights that lacking social connection (or a state of loneliness) is as dangerous as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.
• Further studies have found the following:
  • Individuals with stronger social relationships have a 50% increased likelihood of longer life compared to those with weaker social relationships.
  • Loneliness as a critical risk factor for dementia.
  • Loneliness increased the risk for Alzheimer’s disease by 14% and vascular dementia by 17%. This association holds true even when controlling for depression, social isolation (living alone), and demographic factors, suggesting that the subjective feeling of loneliness itself—and the stress it generates—is the culprit.

So what can or should we do? ~1min

• Loneliness is an epidemic, and seriously detrimental to your health
• All of us that have taken the first step on the covenant path to follow Jesus have committed to “mourn with those that mourn”, and to “succor those that stand in need of succor”. So, what can (or should) we do?
• I believe that there are 2 ways of looking at remedies for loneliness, both good to learn about:
  • What does science say?
  • What do the Scriptures and modern prophets say?

What does Science say? ~4min 45secs

• Thankfully, for those that are struggling with loneliness, my message to you today is NOT that your relief is dependent on your ministering brothers or sisters. There are science-backed recommendations to help with your struggles
• There was a major meta-analysis completed that compared various interventions for loneliness (improving social skills, increasing social support, increasing opportunities for interaction, and addressing maladaptive social cognition). The analysis found that addressing maladaptive social cognition was by far the most effective intervention.
  • I.e., there are a lot of things that a person can do themselves, without waiting on others to come to their rescue.
• Some examples include:
  • Cognitive restructuring: Challenging your knee-jerk reactions or assumptions with questions like, “Is there actual evidence for the assumption that I’m making?”
    • This can help change the content of your thoughts
  • Mindfulness & Acceptance: Practice meditating, especially meditation with a focus on accepting one’s feelings and not judging oneself because of one’s feelings
    • This can help change the relationship with your thoughts
  • Limit your technology & social media use: For all the youths in the ward, what I mean here is, “Touch grass, with friends.”
    • An experimental study by Hunt et al. (University of Pennsylvania) found a causal link between social media use and loneliness. Participants who limited their use of Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat to 10 minutes per platform per day (30 minutes total) showed significant reductions in loneliness and depression over three weeks.
      • Limiting our use of social media also helps limit the feeling of FOMO, which can further drive that disconnect between desired social relationships and what you have today
    • Several pediatricians and child psychologists warn of an alarming trend: the more children engage with screens, the fewer opportunities they have to develop social and emotional skills through unstructured play and meaningful relationships. “Children learn empathy, problem-solving, and emotional regulation through in-person interaction,” said Dr. Knoepflmacher. “When those interactions are replaced by passive screen time, the consequences can be profound and long-lasting.” Studies indicate that prolonged exposure to digital devices during critical developmental years can impair the growth of the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for decision-making and empathy. These changes may leave children ill-equipped to navigate the complexities of adult relationships, creating a cycle of disconnection.
  • Seek out opportunities for service: Altruism is a potent antidote to isolation. Volunteering moves the focus from the self (and one’s own lack of connection) to the needs of others. The science is interesting here:
    • Threshold for Benefit: A longitudinal study found that volunteering more than 100 hours per year (roughly 2 hours a week) is the “sweet spot” for reducing mortality and loneliness. Those who volunteered less than this amount did not see the same protective benefits.
    • Why? Volunteering triggers the mesolimbic reward system, releasing dopamine and oxytocin—the “helper’s high”.
    • Random Acts of Kindness: A study on happy people found that simply counting one’s own acts of kindness for one week increased subjective happiness. Kindness is also contagious; observing a generous act increases the likelihood that the observer will behave generously, creating a ripple effect of connection.
    • How interesting it is, then, that a person feeling lonely can alleviate their own feelings of loneliness by looking outward to alleviate others?

What do the Scriptures and modern prophets say? ~3mins 15secs

• The science-backed recommendations and treatments are important. Even more important, though, is understanding eternal principles and teachings regarding loneliness, and how to combat it.
• First and foremost, I want you all to remember that each of you has a living, breathing, Savior named Jesus Christ who took upon Him ALL of your infirmities, including your feelings of isolation and loneliness.
  • Remember what Alma the younger said to the people in Gideon in Alma 7:11-12

11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. 12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

• Lest you think for a moment that Jesus couldn’t relate to your feelings of loneliness, remember that He Himself suffered loneliness specifically. On the cross, potentially at the climax of His suffering for each of our sins, God the Father withdrew His spirit from Jesus so that He could experience what it feels like to feel utterly alone:

• Quoting the powerful talk, “None Were with Him”:

Thus, of divine necessity, the supporting circle around Jesus gets smaller and smaller and smaller, giving significance to Matthew’s words: “All the disciples [left] him, and fled.” Peter stayed near enough to be recognized and confronted. John stood at the foot of the cross with Jesus’s mother. Especially and always the blessed women in the Savior’s life stayed as close to Him as they could. But essentially His lonely journey back to His Father continued without comfort or companionship.

Now I speak very carefully, even reverently, of what may have been the most difficult moment in all of this solitary journey to atonement. I speak of those final moments for which Jesus must have been prepared intellectually and physically but which He may not have fully anticipated emotionally and spiritually—that concluding descent into the paralyzing despair of divine withdrawal when He cries in ultimate loneliness, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?”

…

Nevertheless, that the supreme sacrifice of His Son might be as complete as it was voluntary and solitary, the Father briefly withdrew from Jesus the comfort of His Spirit, the support of His personal presence. It was required, indeed it was central to the significance of the Atonement, that this perfect Son who had never spoken ill nor done wrong nor touched an unclean thing had to know how the rest of humankind—us, all of us—would feel when we did commit such sins. For His Atonement to be infinite and eternal, He had to feel what it was like to die not only physically but spiritually, to sense what it was like to have the divine Spirit withdraw, leaving one feeling totally, abjectly, hopelessly alone.

• Jesus knows intimately, more than you or I ever will know, how it feels to be alone, and more specifically, to feel abandoned and lonely. And because of this, He knows how (and wants to SO BAD) comfort you and me when we are feeling that chasm between our desires and our perceived reality.

Conclusion: ~2mins 30secs

• Brothers and sisters, loneliness is an epidemic made worse each day with our increasingly digital and disconnected society. The use of social media and now AI will continue to make it worse.
• From my perspective right now, I see no greater clarion call for searching after and rescuing the one than the warnings given about loneliness and its terrible ramifications.
• So, consider the things that we each can do, including science-backed recommendations. But even more importantly, remember your Savior, and lean on Him
• To conclude my talk, I’m going to quote one last time from “None Were with Him”:

Jesus held on. He pressed on. The goodness in Him allowed faith to triumph even in a state of complete anguish. The trust He lived by told Him in spite of His feelings that divine compassion is never absent, that God is always faithful, that He never flees nor fails us…

Brothers and sisters, one of the great consolations of this Easter season is that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so. His solitary journey brought great company for our little version of that path—the merciful care of our Father in Heaven, the unfailing companionship of this Beloved Son, the consummate gift of the Holy Ghost, angels in heaven, family members on both sides of the veil, prophets and apostles, teachers, leaders, friends. All of these and more have been given as companions for our mortal journey because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the Restoration of His gospel. Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the truth that we will never be left alone nor unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we are. Truly the Redeemer of us all said, “I will not leave you comfortless: [My Father and] I will come to you [and abide with you].”

• I know this to be true, because I have felt it in my life.

References & Citations

• More information on all of the studies that I mention in this talk can be found linked in the Deep Research Report on loneliness.
• Harvard Research on Loneliness

Appendix: Topics that I Didn’t have Time For

More stats on loneliness

• To dispel some rumors or false notions around loneliness, a Harvard research study revealed some startling statistics about loneliness:
  • Regarding age distribution of lonely feelings:
    • People between 30-44 years of age were the loneliest group — 29% of people in this age range said they were “frequently” or “always” lonely
    • Among 18–29-year-olds — the rate was 24%
    • For 45–64-year-olds, the rate was 20%
    • Adults aged 65 and older reported the lowest rate: 10% felt lonely
  • According to surveys, what was the leading cause of loneliness?
    • Technology — 73% of those surveyed selected technology as contributing to loneliness in the country

The Loneliness Vicious Cycle

• Focusing a bit on how loneliness is a subject feeling, how it’s initiated by the thoughts that one has, I find it really important to discuss the “vicious cycle of loneliness” that can cause a person already feeling lonely to spiral even further.
• Research indicates that feelings of loneliness literally reshapes how the brain processes social information.
• Lonely individuals tend to develop “maladaptive social cognition,” a state of hyper-vigilance or hyper-attentiveness to what they deem as social threats.
  • I.e., They are more likely to interpret ambiguous social interactions as rejection.
• For example, a person that is experiencing loneliness might interpret a friend’s delayed text message as a deliberate slight rather than a sign the friend is busy. This confirmation bias creates a the vicious cycle: the lonely person withdraws to protect themselves from perceived rejection, thereby increasing their isolation and confirming their belief that the world is unfriendly.
• This cycle is scary, and it’s dark, and it’s really painful to be in. I can speak from experience. But, there is a way to help break free from it, which we’ll get to in a moment.

More references to the Utah Area Presidency 2026 Vision

• I really appreciated the 5th Sunday lesson given a couple of weeks ago. I was left so impressed by those that prepared the lesson and how they taught with such power and conviction. I’m trying to remember though, who was it that taught again…? Oh, that’s right. It was Rich and me.
• All joking aside, pondering further on the Utah Area Presidency’s 2026 vision has left me considering further the idea of “Joyfully Gathering Israel One by One in Christ”. I found this alliteration summary helpful in remembering the 3 parts of this vision:
  • Service: Searching after and rescuing the one, while ministering faithfully to the 99
  • Scripture Study: Feasting upon the words of living prophets and the scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon—the Lord’s instrument of gathering
  • Saving Ordinances: Walking the covenant path intent on receiving—and helping others receive—eternal blessings and a greater measure of God’s power in the House of the Lord

References

• Research Report: Loneliness