Daily Learnings: Mon, Dec 01, 2025
When you see a man of worth, think of how you may emulate him. When you see one who is unworthy, examine yourself. — Confucius
From Good Inside: Frustration Intolerance
Chapter 21 from Good Inside focuses on “Frustration Intolerance”, which Dr. Becky ties very squarely to fostering a “growth mindset” in ourselves and our children. This chapter came at a great time, as my son is learning to tie his shoes and is getting quite frustrated. I’ve observed him over the past week or two really losing it when it comes to not being able to do something perfectly, and I think that both my wife and I can help him to feel a bit better in the “I don’t know yet” stage of learning.
To that end, here are some of my favorite quotes from the book about how to help with this:
Embrace Not Knowing
Here’s a deep paradox about learning: the more we embrace NOT-KNOWING and mistakes and struggles, the more we set the stage for growth, success, and achievement. This is true for adults and kids alike, and it’s a critical reminder about the importance of normalizing difficulties, embracing mistakes as an opportunity to learn, and building frustration tolerance.
How can we help our children tolerate failure and frustration?
If we want our kids to develop frustration tolerance, we have to develop tolerance for their frustration. … Beyond any strategy or script I offer in this chapter, the most impactful thing we can do with our kids is to show up in a calm, regulated, non-rushed, non-blaming, non-outcome-focused way—both when they are performing difficult tasks and when they are witnessing us perform difficult tasks. … I often remind myself that my job as a parent is not to help my kids get out of the learning space and into knowing… but rather to help my kids learn to stay in that learning space and tolerate not being in knowing!
Success isn’t the goal (not yet at least)
The bottom line: the less obsessed we are with “success”, the more we’ll be willing to try new things and develop and grow, which of course are key elements in all types of success.