Daily Learnings: Mon, Feb 05, 2024
The young man knows the rules, but the old man knows the exceptions. — Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
Giving & Receiving Feedback
Some notes on giving and receiving feedback, based on my continued study of The Software Engineer's Guidebook.
Receiving Feedback
- Proactively asking for feedback is crucial to your growth
- Many people, except for your managers (based on if they’re good or not) will not give you feedback unless you specifically ask for it
- Avoid asking for general feedback, like “Do you have any feedback for me”
- This is way too vague, and usually it will result in low-quality feedback
- As a manager, I can attest to the difficulty of preparing this ambiguous feedback
- Ask instead for feedback about a specific thing that you did
- As a manager or mentor, provide feedback about a specific thing that a person did
- This will help to lessen the potential sting if the feedback is critical (or constructive) in nature
- As a manager or mentor, provide feedback about a specific thing that a person did
- Regarding constructive feedback, though it’s difficult to receive sometimes, remember this: It’s easier to say nothing than to give feedback
- Consider it a gift
Giving Feedback
- Fake compliments don’t help anyone
- If you’re going to give praise-based feedback, make sure it’s specific and make sure you’re being honest in your assessment
- Considerations for giving constructive, or “critical feedback”
- Be specific, focusing on and describing the situation, the action taken, and the results
- Then ask for the person’s opinions on the situation, and what they think could be done to mitigate against this happening again in the future
- Most people have a “fight or flight” response to receiving constructive feedback
- In my opinion: You should be upfront and honest early on in the conversation that you have some feedback about the situation, reinforcing that you’re going to give feedback b/c you care about them and want to help them grow
- Where appropriate, allow them time to “breathe” and potentially prepare for the feedback
- Try to avoid saying things like “you should do this”
- This is something that I really struggle with
- The book mentions to avoid doing this “unless you’re their manager”
- I believe that you should avoid doing this even if you are their manager
- Avoid being an “advice” machine, and be more of a coach, helping them to teach themselves through thoughtful and guiding questions
- Try and end the conversation on a positive note, AVOIDING FAKE COMPLIMENTS
- In my opinion: Ideally you’ll end by thanking the person for being willing to receive this feedback and asking (with honest intent) how you can help them to incorporate this feedback